


Too soon or too late (to say goodbye)

by flavinja



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M, Grief/Mourning, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts, Temporary Character Death, Time Travel, it's more about grieving than about time travel be warned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-06-10 03:42:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6938299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flavinja/pseuds/flavinja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Felicity Smoak is dead and nothing makes sense anymore. When Oliver winds up in the past, he is determined to do everything right this time and save everyone he loves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I want to thank So-Caffeinated and YellowFlicker for helping me with the fic! 
> 
> The title from this story is inspired by the brazilian song [Pra Dizer Adeus](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URSZ-oF0mO0), which literally translates to "To Say Goodbye". 
> 
> The prologue is set somewhere around 4x06, so it will only follow canon until it.

They are on a break from trying to take down Darhk, not having uncovered any new leads for weeks. This was supposed to be a simple mission, except they completely underestimated their opponent. And now it’s Felicity who pays the price.

He knows it’s over the minute he hears her screams through his earpiece. With both Laurel and Thea taking the night off, they don’t have their usual back-up and Felicity had been needed in the field to disarm their suspect’s security system. She’s back in the van, having already done her part and just waiting for them to wrap things up. But, somehow, he and Diggle walk right into a trap and the next thing he knows Felicity is telling them in a panicked voice that she’s surrounded. He doesn’t even look at Digg before he starts running to where she sits vulnerable to attacks. When someone else starts talking to him through the comms, threatening her, Oliver knows he’s going to be too late. He closes his eyes and pushes himself to run faster and faster.

“This is a warning,” the man says right before firing the bullet, echoing through his comms directly to his nightmares. “You stay away from my business or next time it’s going to be you instead of your pretty blonde friend.”

What he doesn’t know is that he already killed the Green Arrow the moment he shot Felicity.

When Oliver arrives, Felicity is alone, lying on the ground, blood all over her shirt, her breathing sparse. He’s there in a second, pressing his hands against her heart, trying to stop the bleeding, whispering comforting words and promising help is on their way. They both know it’s too late, but she lets him talk anyway.

She dies in his arms, just before the ambulance arrives. Diggle is on the background and has to force him to back away from the body, so the paramedics can get to her. It doesn’t matter.

She is gone.

Felicity Smoak is dead and nothing makes sense in Oliver’s world anymore.

 

Oliver loses track of time after that, the world keeps moving, but his mind is stuck. He feels himself disconnect from reality as her screams keep ringing on his ears, desperate and hopeless as the bullet pierced her heart.

Somehow, he changes back into his street clothes and gets to the hospital just in time to hear the doctor declare her dead. As if he didn’t know it. As if he didn’t feel it in every one of his bones.

 As if he didn’t die with her.

He goes to Nanda Parbat and begs Malcolm to help him, but even if Merlyn had been inclined to grant his assistance, there’s nothing the League can do. Nyssa destroyed the Pit weeks ago. He goes to Barry and asks him to travel back and change time, but the Flash refuses to do so, saying he’s sorry but he can’t - changing the past comes at too high a cost, even for Felicity’s life. Oliver exhausts every possible alternative until he has to admit there’s no way to bring her back.

He is the one who calls Donna Smoak to tell her that her daughter is dead. When she asks how, he doesn’t even know what to say. He doesn’t know what the official story is to why Felicity was killed. And, even if he did, he doesn’t know if he should lie to her mother about it.

All of his fears came true. Felicity was dead and it was because of him. If he had been faster, if he hadn’t been distracted, if he’d realized it was a trap…

 

He doesn’t sleep, after.

Oliver gets his bow and arrow, he hunts the man responsible for her death. He kills the entire trail that leads to him. And when they come face to face, Oliver gives him a very slow death. It doesn’t offer him any satisfaction or sense of closure. It doesn’t make him feel anything.

The first time he comes back to their apartment is days after he kills her murderer. It’s the first time he lets himself cry. He just sits on the sofa and sobs until he doesn’t have tears anymore.

Everything is exactly how they left it. Their bed is still unmade, his towel is still thrown on the floor, which would piss her off if she was here. Over his wardrobe, stored in the middle of Christmas ornaments, there is an engagement ring that he’ll never get to see on her finger. Next to the bed, he sees a picture of the road trip they made the previous year. He remembers how happy they were. How they came back to Starling City, moved into this house and how he thought maybe this could be the rest of his life. The rest of their lives.

He never imagined he would have to face a world where Felicity wasn’t by his side.

He goes in the field again, despite everyone telling him that he should wait more, give himself time to grieve. No one comments on the bodies he dropped after Felicity’s death, but he knows what they are all thinking. He goes after every bad guy in the city because it’s the only thing he can do.

“I miss her too,” Digg says, taking him to the side after a particularly hard night, “but exhausting yourself is not going to bring her back.”

That was easy for him to say that, he got to go back home to his wife and daughter every night. Oliver doesn’t have a home anymore. He buried it along with her and his dreams of a future worth living. And if he goes overboard sometimes, the only indication his teammates give are the looks on their faces when he comes back from a mission with fresh blood on his hands.

Thea asks him if he doesn’t want her move in with him again. Roy offers to come back for a while so he can get a break. Laurel tries to talk to him about what it’s like to lose the love of your life. Digg tells him about Felicity and that she wouldn’t want to see him like this. None of them understand that nothing matters anymore.

Oliver remembers being told he would live to 86 years-old. He remembers feeling hopeful, he remembers the relief that he’d have to many years to look forward, that he wouldn’t be killed in action. Now, Oliver can only hope the textbooks were wrong, because he can’t imagine living that long without her on his side.

“Laurel and Thea are headed your way, Oliver, wait for them,” Digg says on the comms.

They are in need of a new IT specialist, but the suggestion was made only once and it took one look at Oliver’s face for it never being mentioned again. Now, they have to alternate who stays behind to guide them during missions.

“Oliver, stay where you are,” Digg commands once Oliver starts moving. “You can’t confront all of them by yourself!”

Oliver just turns off his comms in response. He knows this is not fair to his team and that he’s acting recklessly. This is the closest they’ve been to catching Darhk and the ghosts since Felicity died, an opportunity that only comes once in a blue moon. Oliver can’t stand these people being in his city for one more day, killing more innocent people...

He walks to the HIVE hideout by himself, not knowing how far behind him Laurel and Thea are. He knows, with one look, that he cannot take all of the men there down alone. This doesn’t stop him from trying.

Oliver is too tired.

Of everything.

He fights every one of the ghosts and he gives his best. But Oliver knows he’s not going to get out of there alive and he’s okay with that. He’s not sure what he believes happens after death, but if there’s the smallest chance he’ll get to see Felicity again, that’s more than what he has in this world.

He’s not surprised when he’s left alone, bleeding. He closes his eyes and, finally, he’s in peace.

 

When Oliver opens his eyes again, he’s in a hospital.

He’s confused for a minute, trying to remember how he got there. He must have lost consciousness right before Thea and Laurel arrived… Oliver sighs. He was so sure he was going to die. He gets up to go to the window and it’s the first time he realizes something is off. Even if he hadn’t died, he’d been badly injured, but he doesn’t feel any pain when he moves. He’s about to check for his injuries when he hears the door open.

“Oliver?”

He freezes. He expected Diggle, Thea or even on of the doctors, but it’s not any of them who’s calling him.

“Mom?” He has not seen his mother in almost three years. Not since she died.

Maybe he is dead after all.

“Oh, my beautiful boy,” Moira says before closing the space between them and hugging him. “It’s so good to have you here back with us.”

That sounds like a weird thing to say after your son just died, Oliver frowns.

“The doctor said you’re good to go home. Everyone is waiting for you,” she completes and Oliver just follows her, not understanding what is going on. It’s just when he gets out of the hospital and to the car that he realizes what is bothering him so much: he has already lived all of this.

He’s not dead. He’s back to the day he came back from the island.

 


	2. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver figures out where- or when - he is and try to figure out how to act now.

Oliver barely has time to figure out what is happening before he and his mother are going through the manor’s front door, Moira talking about how everything is in the same place as when he left. The last time he was in this house was when it got on fire, but this is not the memory that comes to his mind now, but the night they defeated Slade... The first time he told Felicity he loved her. Oliver feels his throat closing with the memory and tries to focus on his current situation. His mother is there, in their old house, with everything looking exactly the same.

“Oliver,” Walter suddenly comes into the room. “It’s damned good to see you.”

“Walter,” Oliver says and shakes his hand before he has time to think.

If he’d still doubted what was happening, this would have confirmed it. Walter was most definitely still alive the last time Oliver had checked, so this isn’t some weird kind of afterlife. He really is in 2012.

He vaguely remembers not recognizing Walter when he came back, but he still hasn’t figured out how he should act now that he’s back in the past. Besides, Walter has been a good friend to him, there’s no need for animosity.

Oliver spies Raisa near the door and goes to her. He had been so busy with his life that he hasn’t seen her since he lost the house. “It’s good to see you, Raisa,” he says, and it’s true.

“Welcome home, Mr. Oliver,” she says with a smile and completes, “Mr. Merlyn phoned, he wants to join you for dinner.”

Tommy. Even after seeing his mother alive, this is the first time Oliver realizes what being in this time actually means. It’s not just his mother who’s alive, everyone who died in the last few years is back. The Undertaking hasn’t happened yet. Tommy isn’t dead. Sara is somewhere with the League, with no plans to come back. And Felicity… Felicity is safe, with her IT job at QC, living in her townhouse. Living a life completely unrelated to his.

He’s so distracted with his thoughts he doesn’t hear Thea come down the stairs until she’s almost in front of him.

“I knew it, I knew you were alive! I missed you so much!” She says before pulling him into a hug.

“You were with me the whole time,” he answers because he knows that’s what he said the first time, but also because it’s true. Not only at the island, but in the last months of his life, while she and the rest of the team looked out for him.

And now she’s there, still so young. Before all the secrets, before Malcolm Merlyn…

He excuses himself and goes to his own room, knowing he doesn’t have much time before Tommy arrives for dinner. The situation seems even more unreal now that he’s alone. He somehow wound up back in time after he got hurt – and possibly died – in the future… Now he has the chance to change everything that happened. He can save everyone. He hasn’t felt this hopeful in so long that he doesn’t even know how to deal with the feelings.

Oliver needs a plan. When he came back the first time, he knew exactly what he had to do: go after the people on his father’s list as the Hood, start a club and keep his playboy persona as a cover. Now, however, he isn’t so sure he can do the same. What was the point in going after everyone when he already knew about the Undertaking? All he needed to do was kill Malcolm and it would be over.

That is, until the next bad guy showed up. But at least he had almost four years of knowledge; he could stop every disaster from happening before they even started. Of course, he doesn’t remember everything - it would be impossible to keep track of every person he had stopped in the last few years - but those memories could be triggered when they started happening again.

Does he want to do that again? Be the Green Arrow, the Hood, whatever name he’d call himself this time? Since he lost Felicity, all he has been doing is focusing on work, and it almost killed him– may even have actually killed him. If he was given a second chance, he needed to be alive to protect those he loved.

But it wasn’t right to bring them into his life again. For months, every time he’d closed his eyes the only thing he could see was Felicity closing her eyes, all life leaving her body. He has to live with the knowledge that the only reason she’d died was because he’d been in her life. He can’t do that to her again. He knows it’s not fair, that she would yell at him for making decisions for her, but he needs her to live this time. No matter what happens, what he changes this time, he knows one thing: Felicity Smoak has to live.

His body urges him to get out of this house and search for her, check if she’s okay, but he can’t bring himself to do it. He can’t stand the thought that he might be wrong, that he’ll arrive in her house and she won’t be there. That this is somehow a dream and when he wakes up she’ll be gone, just like every other day. Oliver wouldn’t be able to handle that.

Right now, he has more pressing issues. He goes down the stairs just before Tommy shows up.

“What did I tell you? Yachts suck,” Tommy says.

“Tommy Merlyn,” he answers and can’t help a small smile from forming. It feels strange to smile after so many months of darkness, but his best friend is right there in front of him after years.

“I missed you, buddy” Tommy adds, hugging him, and once again Oliver has to take some time to believe this is real.

“I missed you too.” And he had. He missed Tommy a lot in the five years he was away on the island, but those were years when he missed everyone and was fighting to survive. He missed Tommy the most in the years after his death. When he knew he’d never see him again. When he was happy and just wanted his best friend to be there with him.

Now Tommy is there again. Breathing, happy, completely unaware of what the future has planned for him. Oliver swallows hard as he remembers his last moments with Tommy. How Tommy thought he was a murderer, how he betrayed Tommy in so many ways - with Laurel, with his promise… He promised he would honor Tommy by not killing again, but not only had he killed people since then, he’d just been planning to murder his best friend’s father.

There’s no doubt in Oliver’s mind that Tommy would have agreed with him about the need to kill Malcolm if he’d known everything, if he’d known about the Undertaking, about how he’d use Thea to kill Sara, use him to kill Ra’s and make himself the new one. The only problem is that this Tommy doesn’t know any of that. He wouldn’t understand it, just like he hadn’t understood before… And Malcolm hasn’t done anything damning yet, and Oliver’s not sure he can prove that he will.

Luckily, the Undertaking is still months away from happening, he has time to figure out how to stop Merlyn and not lose Tommy at the same time.

 

The dinner in his house passes much like it had the first time. Tommy keeps telling him about everything he’s missed out on in the last five years, and Oliver appreciates the intention, but barely pays attention. It’s good to hear Tommy’s voice, but Oliver is still taken aback by the opportunity he’s been given, having dinner with his best friend and his mother again.

He doesn’t treat Walter so badly this time around. He answers the man’s questions politely and, when the dinner is over, lets his mom know that he figured out they were together and that he approved. If he learned anything in the last few years, it was to value his family, and Walter is definitely a part of it.

When he goes to his room, it’s already raining. He remembers that from his first night back in Starling the last time around, remembers how he woke up with nightmares, his hands around his mother’s neck. He doesn’t want it to happen again. Even if he doesn’t think he’s going to sleep, he locks his door this time. It’s safer for everyone. Oliver still doesn’t like thunders, but he doubts he would have the same reaction now. It’s not that he doesn’t have nightmares anymore - he doesn’t think they’ll ever go away - but it’s not the same monsters that haunt him at night.

Oliver runs his fingers over his body, looking at it in the mirror. Most of the scars are the same, but he doesn’t look like himself. There’s no arrowhead burned into his back, his time at the League nonexistent everywhere but in his mind. The dragon tattoo, a reminder from Slade, is right where it was supposed to be, years away from being removed. It’s ironic, Oliver thinks, that it’s back now. The tattoo was supposed to be a reminder of what happened to Shado, how it had been his fault that she had died. When he looks at it now, all he sees is Felicity. Her hands on his back, her smile mirroring his own, asking why he’d gotten it removed. At the time, Oliver had felt free, he had finally forgiven himself for Shado’s death.

He isn’t sure if he’ll ever be able to do the same with Felicity. Even if, according to all indications, she is all alive and well now. If everything goes as planned, she will stay that way.

But when had anything ever gone according to plan? This is what scares him the most. Maybe Felicity’s fate was inescapable. Maybe everyone’s fate was, and there was no point in trying to save them all. Maybe he is truly destined to see everyone he loved die, again and again, unable to stop the past.

Oliver has to hope this isn’t the case. He has to find another way.

 

He spends most of his night staring at the ceiling. He takes his bow and arrow, trying to relearn how to use both, it’s been years since he’s used such rudimentary equipment. He hasn’t used this bow since that first year back home… His mind slips to Felicity, as it usually does, remembering how she had taken it upon herself to build him a new bow. And then proceeded to bring him home, to her side again.

His heart aches with the distance between them. He’s used to the ache, to knowing he’s never going to see her again - he’s felt it every day since she died - but this is a different kind of pain. She’s right there. He knows it. If Oliver leaves this house and drives to Felicity’s townhouse, he’s going to find her there. The very notion paralyses him.

At some point during the night, the weariness wins, his consciousness fades and he falls asleep.

Oliver wakes up half expecting all of this to be a dream, not trusting this reality to stick, but there he is, back in his old room. Nothing seems to have changed since the day before and he definitely feels awake. He’s been in past for almost an entire day and there’s been no indication that there is anything wrong, other than his awareness and knowledge of the future. This is by far the weirdest experience he’s ever had, and that’s saying something considering all he’s seen in the last ten years. He has no idea how to act, he just knows he needs to find Felicity and protect everyone he loves.

From his room, he can hear Thea talking to a friend. he hasn’t stopped to think about what it means to be back again in 2012. He can try to stop Thea for going on her drug-use spiral… But then again, what would his interference do? What if one word he says changes things so that she never meets Roy? He has no idea what kind of alterations he should make.

Right when he is deciding if he should go talk to his sister or not, Tommy shows up. Oliver is not exactly sure where he is going, but last time he went to talk to Laurel. Despite being her friend, Oliver doesn’t exactly feel eager to meet her again, especially when she still hates him. There’s only one person he wants to see right now, but he can’t just show up at Felicity’s office. Besides, he has to get kidnapped today if he wants to meet Diggle the same way.

He thinks of his Digg, the one of the future and what he’d think of all of this. He’d probably be too shocked, but once he accepted it he’d probably advise against changing anything.

“So, where are we going?” Tommy asks, while they get into his car.

Oliver honestly doesn’t know the answer. He knows where he wants to go — to see Felicity, to check on her. He also knows where he should go — to apologize to Laurel, to solve this problem. He should spend time with his best friend, make sure Tommy knows he doesn’t have a problem with him and Laurel. He’s not sure what his relationship with Tommy is going to be now, but they have another chance so Oliver is definitely not going to make the same mistakes.

“Can we just drive around? Maybe go to the Glades,” Oliver says. If Tommy thinks the request is weird, he doesn’t say, just drives away.

Oliver actually misses seeing his city. Starling might’ve had a lot of problems in 2012, but it was still far from what it was after three terrorist attacks.

“Your funeral blew,” Tommy starts talking, trying to ease the tension in the car with humor. Oliver has to contain his urge to answer _so did yours._ He had only watched it from afar, too guilty to actually go say goodbye to Tommy, and ready to just run away to Lian Yu. Oliver wants to say he understands now more than ever what Tommy went through. Wants to talk about how it took him months to even visit his grave.

“You got lucky?” he asks instead.

Tommy laughs and continues the conversation in the light tone. Both of them know that talking about the funeral is not easy and Tommy is still trying to make things look as normal as possible for Oliver. Not knowing, of course, that this was the furthest from normal Oliver could think of. Fighting Ra’s al Ghul in a mountain was nothing compared to making jokes with his dead best friend in 2012.

“... your welcome home bash.”

“Wait, my what?” He asks, finally realizing where this talk led. With everything else going on, he had forgotten about that party.

The first time, it had been a great excuse to go after Adam Hunt, but right now, he can’t think of an actual good reason to go. He manages to convince Tommy that he needs sometime to adapt before he goes to any party, which is the closest to the truth he can get. Tommy drops the subject, not wanting to push Oliver, and starts talking about the Glades.

Oliver sees so many familiar streets, so similar and yet there’s something so wrong about them. Verdant is right there, still looking like his father’s old factory. Oliver hasn’t seen it in a long time, not since it was compromised by the police and they all had to move bases, but this is still the closest he’s been to home since he’d come back. It’s difficult to look at it and imagine the foundry being completely untouched. All of his memories with the team were dead. Or, worse, were never born in the first place. And he isn’t sure if he can create them again. He doesn’t even know if he should.

“So what’d you miss the most? Steaks at the palm, drinks at the station, meaningless sex?”

 _Felicity_.

He just misses Felicity. A lot. Someone who doesn’t even know him yet.

“Everything.”

“Well, what do you want to see first?”

“Laurel” he says, knowing exactly what Tommy’s reaction is going to be before he even starts talking, “I just want to apologize to her.”

He’s not sure how he’s going to do that, but Laurel is his friend, after all, and he supposes he owes her at least an apology after everything that happened.

 

Even if his intentions are different, in the end his talk with Laurel winds up pretty much the same as the first time around. Laurel hated him when he first came back and it’s going to take a while until they can be friends again. But he’s sure they can eventually end up on good terms, especially if her relationship with Tommy succeeds this time. That being said, she’s not his priority at all. He’s done his part apologizing for what happened with Sara, now only time will make her forgive him.

He’s going back to the car with Tommy when suddenly he’s surrounded by men in masks. Great, so this was when the kidnapping happened. When he wakes up, he wishes he had come up with a better plan before.

“Mr. Queen, did your father survive that accident? I ask the questions, you give me the answers. Did he make it to the island? Did he tell you anything?”

The masked man tasers him, and Oliver’s instincts tell him to just kill the guys like the first time around. After all, he doesn’t even know who those guys were, their presence alone might put someone in danger if they live. But he just needs to look at Tommy to realize there’s no way he can do it. He has a chance to rebuild his friendship with Tommy, without the blood in his hands getting in the way, and he isn’t going to ruin this on his second day back.

“He died on the boat,” he says, getting ready for another shock.

The questions continue for endless minutes, the guy repeating himself, shocking Oliver after every answer, to make sure he doesn’t know anything. It isn’t the first time Oliver’s been tortured. It isn’t even the worst. He can endure it for a lot longer than it would take for them to believe him.

“What did your father tell you in the Gambit?” the guy continues to question him.

“Nothing! I already told you he didn’t make it to the liferaft. He died in the storm!” he answers, preparing himself for another taser, that comes as predicted.

“Stop!” the words coming from Tommy’s mouth arrive as a surprise. While he was being tortured, he hadn’t realized Tommy had woken up or seen what was happening. “Let us go!” Tommy insists, trying to free his hands and get up.

“Shut up!” one of the men yells, before hitting Tommy with another sleeping dart. “Our business ends here,” he says before knocking Oliver unconscious.

When he wakes up his hands are free, there are no signs of any of the kidnappers around, and Tommy is still unconscious on the floor. He makes his way to his friend, checking to make sure that he’s okay.

Tommy wakes up just a few minutes later, a little confused but without any lasting damage.

“What was that about?” he asks Oliver, “When I woke up, those guys were hurting you…”

“It was nothing, they just had some questions and then let us go.”

Tommy doesn’t seem to fully believe that, but doesn’t push.

 

Once they are back at the Manor and give Detective Lance their statements, Oliver is ready to get out of home. He knows that when he goes downstairs, his mom will be there talking to Digg. This is the first time he will have to see one of his friends and have them not recognize him at all, it’s the first time he’ll have to decide how much he will interfere with their lives. It’s one thing to see his family, who already met him before the island, who he can’t simply cut from his life… But Diggle is a whole new story. How can he pull Digg into this life again when he knows how it ends? When he knows they will never win? How can he be Digg’s friend when he knows so much about what his future holds?

He wishes he had Felicity there so they could talk about this. For all he has seen through his life, time travel is new to him. Oliver can’t even comprehend the dangers of changing time; he just knows the dangers of not changing and keeping everything the same.

“Oliver, I want to introduce you to someone,” his mother calls him as he gets out of the house. “John Diggle. He’ll be accompanying you from now on.”

Digg is standing next to his mother and Walter, looking professional and giving no indication that he’s ever met Oliver before.

Because he _hasn’t_.

Oliver can’t imagine how he can go through all of this again and manage to save his loved ones without any help. Last time he tried to something by himself, he ended up dead.

“A bodyguard?”

“This is something I need,” Moira says and Oliver agrees. Maybe this is something he needs too.

“So what should I call you?” he initiates the conversation with Digg, following him to the car.

Oliver smiles as he thinks of Digg just meeting him, thinking of him as a spoiled rich boy. They are still very far from their friendship, but Oliver knows he’s going to need his friend. After Felicity died, Diggle, Thea and Laurel tried their best help him, and Digg was the one who’d understood him best.

“I don't want there to be any confusion, Mr. Queen. My ability to keep you from harm will outweigh your comfort. Do we have an agreement?”

“Absolutely. In fact, I think we’ll get along pretty well,” he answers with a smile.

He can see that Digg doesn’t really believe him, but he doesn’t argue and focus his attention back to the road. Oliver looks at his friend once more before jumping out of the moving car, as much as he’d like to spend time with Digg, he has other plans for the day.

 

Walking through the Foundry again is worse than Oliver imagined it would be, the place is completely empty, full of dust due the years of abandonment. While he works to transform the place into the lair it once was, Oliver remembers what it was like the first time. The Foundry was supposed to fill a specific purpose, it was dark and uninviting, reflecting how he was at the time. It was just when Felicity made the changes that it became to really feel like home…

He spends the whole day down there, trying to rebuild what once was the heart of the team. He tries not to think about Felicity, but it’s impossible not to, everywhere he looks, there’s a memory associated with her. He can’t involve her in this, not again, but how can he do this without her? How can he be where he fell in love with her every day and keep his distance? Oliver has only been back for one day, but he’s already going back on his plan.

When he sees it’s already past six, Oliver leaves without a second thought, doing what he’s been wanting to do since he found out he had traveled in time. He doesn’t trust his mind to not make him give up, his fears are about to overpower him, but he pushes them away, focusing on the void in his heart aching to be filled. He rushes to his motorcycle and only lets himself breathe once he is standing on the building next to Felicity’s house, with a direct view to her window.

The house is completely dark, meaning Felicity probably hasn’t arrived yet. He sits there, hands trembling and irregular breathing, trying to not lose himself while he waits for her. He tries not to think about the possibility of her not showing up, tries not to give up on hope, but a part of him can’t stop worrying about all of this being a cruel joke. He has already been given the chance to see his mom and Tommy again, when in his life has he been lucky enough for that? Seeing Felicity one more time is too much to hope for. But still, he waits, despite the cold wind on his face and the worry in his heart.

It’s a couple hours until he sees a mini arriving at the end of the street and stopping on her house. She gets out a few seconds later, long curly hair in a ponytail, a lot of work papers in her hand, trying to balance everything while she gets her key from her purse. She doesn’t notice anyone staring at her, completely unaware of the love of her life sitting just a few feet from her.

Oliver’s heart skips a few beats as he watches her get inside the house, turning on the lights. From the window, he can see her rest her purse and papers on the kitchen table and throw herself on the sofa, taking off her shoes and turning on the TV. It’s such a mundane thing but it’s her. Felicity is there, walking and breathing. Alive, like she’s supposed to be.

His breath starts to fail as images of Felicity come to his mind without permission. Oliver can see her from where he is, he can see her getting up and wandering around her house, but he can also see her lying on the floor, trying her best to stay alive but knowing she won’t make it. He can see her tears mixing up with his own as he desperately tells her he loves her and they were going to get over this, repeating over and over that she’d be okay. He can see Felicity closing her eyes and not opening them again.

It doesn’t matter if she is right in front of him, he can’t unsee what he’s been through. Oliver tries to make the flashbacks stop by making himself focus on her, but it’s useless. He can hear Felicity’s irregular breathing, trying to delay the inevitable, sees her eyes searching for his, both overflowing in fear. His entire body aches for him to go to Felicity, the present one, to touch her, hold her until every trace of what happened disappears and he can find peace again. Oliver’s paralyzed though. He shuts his eyes and let the memories come. There’s nothing he can do about that, so he relives her death again.

Slowly, his breathing starts to steady. When he opens his eyes again, Felicity is not where she was before, having left the room. It’s the only indication that any time has passed.  She comes back a few minutes later, wearing pajamas and ready for bed. She goes to the window and, for a moment, Oliver thinks she might see him. Maybe their connection goes beyond time itself and she can feel he’s there. It’s only a matter of seconds though until she closes the curtains and turns off the lights.

Oliver tenses when he can’t see her anymore. He knows that’s his cue to leave her alone, he’s already acting like a stalker and doesn’t need to add anything else to it; this doesn’t stop him from moving to another building, trying to find one with view to her room. He feels himself relax when he finally catches a sight of her, lying on the bed while working on her tablet. His throat closes itself again and in a second his eyes fill with tears, but this time Oliver knows it’s not because of any flashback, he’s only feeling one thing and it’s happiness.

She’s okay, he repeats to himself.

Maybe he will finally be able to keep his promise to her.

Everything is going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! This chapter is mostly just to set Oliver in 2012 again, this is why there are a lot of scenes that are similar to canon. I'm going to try to focus mostly on Oliver and Felicity's relationship from now on, and the other character and the plot itself is going to be on the background, though sometimes they'll have to show up so things can make sense. But y'all warned.
> 
> Please, let me know what you thought of the chapter! You can also talk me on tumblr (@bisexualfelicity) if you'd like. Comments always make me really happy!  
> 


	3. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two weeks in and Oliver makes a (few) decision(s).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm sorry it took me so long to update, I had plans to write during my vacations, but then I blinked and two months had gone by. I'll promise to try to update it quickier from now on!
> 
> I want to thank you Anita (YellowFlicker) for beta-ing this chapter and being amazing.

**Chapter Two**

 

It’s been two weeks. 

Two weeks since he came back in time and the closest Oliver’s been to Felicity is across a street. Every day he  checks on her and makes sure she’s okay. Every day she’s been fine and completely unaware of his existence. He knows the day they met is arriving and yet he hasn’t decided yet on to what to do. 

It’s obvious that he can’t stay away from Felicity. Despite how much his heart hurts whenever he sees her, it’s nothing compared to the void it leaves when she’s not around. He follows her to work every day and then on her way back. His brain goes on a million of possibilities when she’s late or anything doesn’t go as he expects. Oliver tries to rationalize it as just making sure she’s safe but he knows he’s doing it for his own good. 

In the time he’s been around, he’s had time to study where he is and  remember everything he could of his first months back. Every important person he killed or put away, very important event that happened, including meeting Felicity. He tries to make sense of what could happen every time he interferes with the end result, but in the end, he has no idea. There are way too many possibilities and, in the end, he only cares about one thing: will he be able to save everyone that matters?

He hasn’t come up with an answer yet, because there isn’t one. Apparently, the future is a mystery even when you are a time-traveler. 

Oliver is doing his best to keep the city protected and try to solve any problem before they show up. He has been going out with his gear, stopping crime in the city while trying to get evidence on all the people on the list so they can be arrested instead of killed. The work keeps him grounded, at this point he’s been doing this for so long it’s just routine. Without the deaths, the police is not really after him. Of course, being a vigilante is still illegal and he wouldn’t want to be seen by the police, but catching him is not top priority. 

He’s still trying to figure out what to do about Malcolm. It’s clear that he needs to stop the Undertake from happening, but he’s not sure if he has enough proof to incriminate Malcolm for it. Oliver’s been debating with himself whether or not to go to ARGUS with this information. He’s sure they’d be very interested in what he has to say, the only problem is that they might be  _ too _ interested in it, especially in how he has all this information and what Waller would do if she knew he was from the future. In any case, he needs to talk to Tommy before making any decision. 

Having his old best friend in his life again is different from what he ever imagined it being. It’s not as painful as watching Felicity from afar. While Tommy’s death still haunts him sometimes, it was a long time ago and he had time to go from crippling guilt to admitting the loss, to letting it settle over his heart and mind - a room all of its on, with Tommy Merlyn’s name on it. A room that he’s sure will stay locked this time, only to be opened again in the far future. They spent some time together in the last couple weeks. Now that Oliver isn’t trying to stick to his old playboy persona, he and Tommy are able to talk like adults, and without trying to pretend he hasn’t been changed by the time he spent away, it’s much harder for Tommy to talk to him as if he is the same friend he lost. 

Tommy even told him about Laurel, and Oliver made it clear that he only wishes the best for both of them. The pain pinches him when he remembers all the ways he and Laurel betrayed Tommy last time, but that won’t happen now. Maybe without him in their way, Tommy and Laurel can be happy with each other. If not, at least he hopes they can find their separate paths in a better way. They’ll have a second chance to work things  out, if Oliver does his part right. 

The same can be said for him and Felicity, Oliver thinks as he follows her in his Arrow suit. It’s a Saturday, so Felicity just left her house for the first time to go grocery shopping and walk around her old neighborhood. Oliver can’t stop thinking about how she’s been feeding herself now that he isn’t there to cook for her. Logically, he knows that she lived for years without him in her life and can very well handle herself, but that doesn’t stop his mind from thinking what he would cook for dinner if he asked her out…

His mind goes to Felicity sitting in front of him, wearing a red dress and a curious smile in her lips. She wouldn’t know him, wouldn’t know what to expect. But he would make her favorite food and her eyes would shine when she saw that. He’s distracted, lost in his dreams, when it happens.

She is walking to her car, searching for the keys in her purse while trying to juggle the bags in her hands, when a guy approaches her. It only takes Oliver a second observing the interaction to realize Felicity is about to be mugged. 

Oliver’s mind might freeze, but instinct takes over his body and, before he can fully understand what is happening, he’s jumping out of the building, running in Felicity’s direction. He’s too far out to hear their voices, and the only thing he can hear is Felicity’s pierced scream as she is shot, ringing in his ears as it was happening again right now. He tries to push the memory to the back of his head, reminding himself that it’s not real. Not yet. Not anymore. 

“Let go of her!” He yells at the man, who is already holding Felicity’s purse and ready to run, “Give her back her things and go!” 

The mugger seems more confused than scared, a sign that the Vigilante hasn’t been around long enough for every criminal hear of him, and immediately takes a gun that was hid on his side and point it directly at Felicity. 

“How ‘bout you go instead, huh? And then I don’t have to hurt the pretty blonde here.”

Oliver nocks the arrow faster than he draws his next breath; he can barely see what’s in front of him, the images getting too confusing once again. 

“It’s okay,” Felicity says. In another time, she whispers these words in his ears, her voice getting weak. “It’s okay,” she says, her voice much stronger, but just as scared, “Just take my things and go.”

“You’ll be okay”, Oliver’s saying. He’s not sure when. 

The arrow is flying its way to the guy before any other word can be spoken. It finds his hand and, in a second, the gun is in the floor, right next to Felicity’s recently dropped purse. The mugger is screaming in pain, clearly shocked by this latest event; Oliver closes the distance between them, another arrow pointed at the guy.

“Run, or the next one goes through your heart,” he speaks in a hoarse voice. 

He turns himself to Felicity, the sound of footsteps confirming the man followed his advice, before he realizes what he’s doing, Oliver is touching her arm, making sure she’s not hurt. Making sure she’s really there. 

“Are you okay?” He whispers, surprising himself with how much he  _ needs _ her to confirm it, to say anything.

“Yes, are  _ you _ ?” She asks instead, looking at him with curiosity. “Your hands are shaking,” she comments and then blushes, “I mean, thank you for saving me.”

He hasn’t, not yet. But he doesn’t say that, instead he just lets her words reach him. He doesn’t respond for longer that is entirely polite, absorbing the sound of her voice. Letting it fill his heart and repeat itself over and over again is his head. She’s still staring at him, her eyes filled with confusion, assessing his state. It’s not the Felicity look he’s used to seeing, there isn’t a single trace of recognition in them. 

But it’s Felicity. 

“So… I’ll just go now. Bye?” She says, a little unsure, picking her things on the floor, pointing her keys to the car. Waiting for him to leave so she can open it. 

“Take care,” he mutters, “ _ please _ ,” he says in a whisper as he leaves, not sure if she can even hear it. He’s smiling when he gets on the top of the next building.

From afar, he sees her frowning before opening her car and going her way. Oliver follows her to her house,  _ of course he does _ , and this time when she goes home and closes the curtains, Oliver can’t shake the feeling that a part of her is looking for him when she looks from the window. 

It’s with a smile that he goes to the Foundry and decides to train a little before going home. The sound of Felicity’s voice is like a drug, still running high through his veins. His hand is still shaking and his heart is beating fast, but the smile refuses to leave his face. It’s at this moment that he knows, he needs to talk to Felicity again. 

It’s only once he arrives home that everything that happened really catches up with him. Felicity had a  _ gun _ pointed out to her head. Something serious could’ve happened to her years before it was supposed to. Was this because of his intervention? He doesn’t know if Felicity had been mugged in the other timeline, this was before they met, he has no way of finding out. But something in his gut tells him that she hadn’t been. That this was an unpredictable consequence of something he’d done. He runs his hand through his hair, trying to make sense of everything. 

He doesn’t know what’s going to happen, doesn’t know if he’ll be able to stop fate, but he knows there’s absolutely no way he’s going to be able to survive without her in his life again. And, besides, he can protect her better if he’s close to her, right? 

Oliver doesn’t try to argue with his brain, there’s no point, he’s already made his decision. 

 

“So how have you been?” Tommy asks him, sitting in front of him in a coffeeshop. 

The truth is that Oliver is lonely. Most of his friends aren’t friends with him yet, and he’s trying to not just straight up run to Felicity. Now that he decided he should meet her, it’s been a lot more difficult controlling himself. He wants to wait until the right day, but he’s losing patience already and it’s just been less than twenty-four hours. Tommy is the only person he can actually talk to right now and that is not even completely true, because he can’t tell him any of what is truly bothering him. 

“Mom wants me to take a position at QC,” he says instead, bringing up the only subject he thinks Tommy will understand, “She and Walter have been bugging me about the new Applied Sciences division.”

“And you are considering it.” Tommy raises his eyebrows, already figuring out what Oliver is about to say, “Or you would’ve already found an excuse.”

Oliver just nods, drinking his coffee to avoid talking, not sure how to explain to Tommy what’s been going on in his head. He hadn’t  _ planned _ on considering it, just assumed he would build Verdant like last time and that was it. Until he was cornered by his mother, who insisted on talking business. 

He doesn’t want to be QC’s CEO again, he did a terrible job last time and he, particularly, thinks Felicity would do a much better job. But he can’t tell his mother that.

Before Felicity’s death, he was running for mayor and, to be honest, Oliver actually enjoyed the prospect of being able to help the city in legal ways as well as the vigilante. Working at his family’s company fits much better with his new image than running a club with his friend. 

“I just feel like we need to grow up eventually,” Oliver answers, still half-lost t in his thoughts. Tommy is looking at him strangely, like he’s not sure what to say. He could be wrong, but Oliver thinks he sees some pride in Tommy’s eyes. 

“You really changed a lot,” Tommy comments, sipping his own coffee and smiling at Oliver. “I can’t say I’m surprised,” he continues, letting the cup rest on the table and staring at Oliver’s direction, “after your reaction about Laurel and… Everything that happened when we were kidnapped.”

Oliver closes his eyes at the subject being brought. It’s not the first time Tommy has tried to talk to him about it, but so far Oliver has managed to get out of this conversation quickly. 

“I know you don’t want to talk about what happened while you were away, it can’t have been easy. But it changed you, maybe for the better.”

Oliver just shrugs. Tommy is not wrong about the island changing him, but not in the way he’s thinking. Oliver is never going to forget  Tommy’s look of disgust in another time, saying he was a murderer. The island did not make him a good person, quite the opposite; it was the years after he came back that changed him for good. It was his promise not to kill after Tommy’s death and Diggle and Felicity’s influence. Oliver has everything to thank for his team, he thinks as he looks at Digg, who is standing in a corner of the coffee shop, focused on his job.

He’s forced to turn his attention back to Tommy when his friend asks him a question about his plans on QC. Oliver hasn’t had much time to think of that, so he enjoys sharing his ideas with Tommy, who seems much more interested in the subject than Oliver would’ve pegged him as. 

After Tommy leaves, Oliver smiles before waiting for Digg to get distracted and run away. This time, though, he knows that Diggle will realize this fast enough to actually follow him. Oliver doesn’t mind and does his way to the foundry like all the days before, aware enough that Digg is right behind him, just waiting to see where he’s going. 

“So this is where you’ve been going?” Digg says, as he enters the empty factory to find Oliver standing in the middle of it, looking at the ceiling with wonder. Oliver nods. “An old factory? Why?”

Why, indeed. Now that there is not going to be any Verdant, what will become of it? Oliver still has his secret lair that was never used, and he hasn’t forgotten about the basement on QC, that would be quite perfect if he intends on taking a job at the company. But how could he just dump the foundry like that?

He knows - thinks he knows - that he can’t recreate memories. The moments between Team Arrow aren’t going to be the same no matter the place he chooses to be, but just the thought of Diggle and Felicity never being in the Foundry makes his heart clench. The place is not the home of the team, because home would be wherever they were, but it’s still a symbol. 

Oliver doesn’t know how he’ll explain this place. How he’ll convince his mother that somehow a factory in the Glades is where his office should be, but he’ll figure it out. 

“I want to show you something,” he tells Diggle, heading to the basement’s door. Digg huffs a laugh, not sure of what Oliver is doing, but still a little amused by it. 

Whatever Digg was expecting, it sure as hell isn’t what he finds when he goes downstairs and finds the lair. It’s not what it used to be after Felicity remade it, but it’s not as dark as it was when Oliver build it the first time. There’s not much, a desk with a computer, a chair, a salmon ladder and some training gear, but Diggle’s attention is pretty much on the arrows, the bow and his clothes right next to each other. 

“You’re him,” Diggle says after a while, “the guy who’s been going around in a costume targeting criminals.”

“Yes,” he confirms, “and I’d like to get you on my team.”

“Team? I don’t see anyone else around here,” Digg doesn’t sound impressed, but it’s a much better reaction than Oliver expected. 

“No, not yet.”

“And what makes you think I’d join you? You might be going after criminals, but what you’re doing is not legal either.”

“I know you, John Diggle,” he says with a smile, even though he can’t tell Diggle how much they used to know each other, “I’ve done my homework on you. You’re a soldier, I know you want to do something to help this city.”

Oliver knows this won’t convince Diggle, he goes to the table and gets the papers besides the computer, handing them to Digg. In it, there are the details of Andy Diggle’s murder. He is silent as John looks through the pages, the shock clear in his face.

“I can help you catch your brother’s killer… If you want. We can do some good for this city, Digg, we can work together and help it get on its feet again.”

“You’re crazy,” Digg answers.

“Tomorrow night your brother’s killer, Deadshot, is going to be in town. How about you give it a chance and we go after him?”

Diggle doesn’t seem entirely convinced, but Oliver is right about one thing: he does know Digg and it won’t take much more to convince him. Oliver can see in his eyes that Digg still has many doubts, but it’s just a matter of time. 

Tomorrow, they’ll get Deadshot and then he’ll take his laptop to Felicity.

The rest, as they say, is history. Or is going to be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was supposed to be longer, but it felt right to end in this scene.   
> Please, tell me what you thought of it, kudos and comments make my day/month/entire year!


	4. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver and Diggle go after Deadshot, and a visit to the IT department happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, it's been 84 years since the last update, I'm so sorry! But I can promise you guys one thing: the next one DEFINITELY comes out in 2017, it's just better if I don't say a month though.

 

Things don’t go right with Deadshot. Who could’ve guessed that? Oliver doesn’t know if his actions changed something or if his memory wasn’t reliable enough, but whatever the truth is, the fact is that Deadshot definitely isn’t where Oliver thought he would be. By the time he and Diggle figure it out, his target is already dead. 

“Why were you so sure he’d be here?” Digg asks when Oliver voices his frustration.

Oliver opens his mouth to answer, but decides that this is not the best time to reveal he’s from the future. Not only because he’s sure Diggle won’t believe him, but they also have more pressing issues right now, like trying to locate Deadshot in enough time to be able to follow him to his hiding place. Oliver vaguely remembers the hideout from the first time, but he doesn’t want to risk being wrong again and Diggle is already running through the building, searching for any signs of the shooter. 

Before Oliver can ask for them to stop, analyse the situation, and try to find Deadshot the next day, Diggle finds a clue of where his brother’s murderer is going and runs without checking it with Oliver. It’s clear that they are far from working as a team and Oliver has to shake the strange feeling out of him, it’s easy to forget that Diggle doesn’t know him at all, the only reason he’s there is because he wants to catch Floyd Lawton. 

Following Deadshot turns out to be easier than expected. Either as a testament of Oliver’s memory or Diggle’s determination, Lawton doesn’t notice them until he enters the place, leaving Digg and Oliver behind to plan the entrance. Digg only sends Oliver a look, apparently too anxious to actually stop to think much before letting their presence be known. 

The minute they go through the door, bullets start flying. Despite having the element of surprise, Deadshot is not far behind them, quickly catching up and trying to get away from there. Diggle is focused on not letting this happen, but Oliver’s attention is all in scanning through the room, trying to find that one laptop. In some part of his brain, Oliver knows this should be the least of his worries. He should either be helping Digg - like he promised - or trying to make everything happen like it originally would, making sure Deadshot got away, but he can’t stop himself. It’s only once he hears Digg’s scream that Oliver turns again to his friend, finding him on the floor, compressing a wound on his shoulder while Deadshot escapes.

“What the hell, Oliver?” Diggle says, once it’s clear Deadshot is too far ahead to be chased and Oliver is just standing there.

“Come on, there’s poison on his bullets, we gotta head out for the foundry,” Oliver commands, grabbing the laptop with one hand and helping Digg with the other. 

Their way back to the lair is mostly silent, but that’s mostly due to Diggle’s pain than the lack of things to say, which becomes very clear once Diggle gets his painkillers - with a side of miracle herbs to take care of the poison - and starts complaining about everything that went wrong. It’s not that Oliver doesn’t know his mind wasn’t in the right place, but this doesn’t mean he wants to hear Diggle yelling at him about it. 

“There will be more times to get Deadshot,” he tries to reason with Digg, but that just pisses John off even more.

“How do you  _ know _ that?! We had him right there and instead of helping me, you thought it was more important to get a fucking laptop, man? What’s that even about anyway?”

“This laptop may contain information about where Deadshot is going next or who hired him. All we need is to access it, and then next time we’ll get him.”

“We wouldn’t  _ need _ the laptop if you had just helped me handle him,” Diggle grumples, far from having complained enough. 

Oliver’s attention, though, is back to the laptop in his hands. He knows Digg is right and, truth be told, the laptop is completely unnecessary, not just because he already has every information it will give him, but because he doesn’t need it to meet Felicity. Oliver can just go to her with any excuse. 

But it’s a  _ symbol _ . He holds the laptop in his hands, while he can’t hold her hand, as a reminder that she is real, that he really is back and he can meet her again. This is how it all started, so many years ago and yet just about to happen. He’s in control of this. He has the laptop, he can go to Felicity. All is going to go according to plan this time…

“I don’t know what’s going on with you, but I don’t want any to do with this. I will get Lawton by myself,” Digg says, getting ready to leave the Foundry. Oliver starts to speak, finally turning his attention back to his future friend, but Digg doesn’t let him continue,. “You have issues, Oliver. I told you I was going to give you one chance, that was it. I’m glad you told me about Deadshot, but you have too many secrets, I can’t trust you.”

Before Oliver has a chance to reply, Diggle is out of the door, leaving him alone once again. Oliver sighs in frustration, holding the laptop with more strength than before. Digg not trusting him at this point isn’t surprising, and he can revert this with time. Meeting Felicity is more important right now, if he can just talk to her  _ once _ , if he gets her on his side, he’s sure he will be able to do everything else he needs to. 

 

When he wakes up to the news that Diggle has quit his job as his bodyguard, Oliver just sighs and makes a mental note to figure out how to bring Digg back this time. Maybe he shouldn’t have revealed about Deadshot that soon, clearly changing events wasn’t going to be as easy as he thought. And he had already put too many things in action to revert anything to the way they were supposed to be, it’s not like he could just  _ give up  _ on the Applied Science project he has just accepted to be a part of… Not when it’s such a good idea, he thinks as he gets Felicity’s - Deadshot’s, really - laptop, ready to go meet Walter to discuss his new job and then meet Felicity. 

His palms are already sweating by the time he arrives at QC, just being in the same building as her is making him nervous. He’s not sure how he’ll even be able to communicate properly once they are face to face for the first time. Oliver is going to make a fool of himself, he’s sure of that, but it doesn’t matter if he gets to talk to her again. Of course, he has seen her as the Arrow the other day, but it was not the same, she was in danger and didn’t even know who he was. 

Oliver is barely able to pay attention to Walter, his mind is a few floors below.  _ What if she is not there?  _ He doesn’t have any reason to think anything happened, but this has been an always present fear in his head since he came back in time, his anxiety only aggravating it. He has to remind himself to breathe and try to figure out what is Walter even talking about. 

The plans for a new Applied Science Division were already being made before Oliver had shown up, so Walter has a lot of things to update Oliver in - besides just teaching him basic things about being a part of the company, considering that, as far as everyone knows, he had never even worked in his life. 

“I’d like you to look at a few candidates for your division, Oliver, someone can choose for you, but it’d be good if you knew a little about who you’d be working with,” Walter says, handing Oliver what should be the tenth folder of that day. He opens it, taking a look, ready to bring up the Foundry and how he wants to work there, when one profile catches his sight:  _ Felicity _ .

He knows that she wasn’t working in the Applied Science Divisions in his original timeline, and supposes whoever got in charge of that somehow didn’t choose her in the end. Of course, Oliver always had the intention to bring Felicity to work there eventually, he knew she deserved more than to be hidden in IT, but he imagined he would have to wait until she actually knew him. Feeling Walter’s stare over him, Oliver looked up, nodding. This might just work after all. 

He manages to bring up the Foundry idea to Walter, who isn’t very fond of it initially, but Oliver thinks he can work on that later. This is only their first meeting and it will be a few weeks before any real decision is made, Oliver can focus on changing Walter’s mind when he’s not so fixated on Felicity. He says goodbye to Walter as soon as it’s acceptable to leave and has to control himself to keep calm as he goes directly to the elevator. His grip on the is so strong it hurts his fingers and he’s sure his heart is about to fall from his chest, but he’s focused on the mission ahead and he’s prepared to meet Felicity. Or so he repeats to himself as he walks her way. 

“Felicity Smoak?” he says, his voice sounding more hoarse than he intends. 

A full second passes before she turns to him, holding a red pen in her hand. She’s not chewing it, but seems as surprised to see him as she was in his timeline. She smiles at him, waiting for him to say something. Oliver knows what he has to say next, this scene has gone through his head a million times in the weeks he’s been back.  _ Hi, I’m Oliver Queen _ . Those were his words, but he can’t say them now, the only thing he seems able to do is stare at her. 

She’s wearing a pink shirt and a matching lipstick. He used to think he remembered every detail from meeting her, but he now knows he was wrong. His memory couldn’t encompass the beauty of Felicity in her office, the perfect tone of her hair or the brightness of her skin. More than anything, Oliver just wants to freeze this moment forever, so he can always look at her again.

“Hi, can I help you with something?” she asks, tilting her head and looking at his eyes, searching for something.

It’s only when their eyes meet that Oliver feels a chill down his spine. Felicity looks confused, probably trying to figure him out, but it’s not the unfamiliarity in her eyes that surprise him - that, he expected - but rather the blatant discomfort she shows with his silence, her entire body closing itself off in his presence. Her eyebrows are arching and Oliver knows he’s been too quiet, he’s messing up this first meeting, but he can’t get his body to answer to him. After what feels like an eternity in his mind, Oliver finally moves and holds out the laptop for her. 

“I’m Oliver Queen,” he utters when his voice comes back, the sentence feels completely detached from the context, but it’s the only thing he thinks to say.

“I know who you are,” Felicity answers, a smile in her face, now looking more amused by him than confused. “You’re Mr. Queen.”

“Call me Oliver. Mr. Queen was my father.”

“Right, but he’s dead. I mean, he drowned, but you didn’t… Which means you could come here to the IT department and hear me babble…”

Oliver can’t stop the smile from forming in his lips. He has lived this scene in his mind for so long that actually being there, listening to Felicity’s voice, feeling her eyes on his again, it feels too much like a dream. One which he doesn’t ever want to wake up from, not that if it means not seeing her again. 

“Mr. Queen? Oliver?” She called for him, refocusing him on the present. “Are you okay?”

It’s the way she says his name that sticks into some part of his mind, the trigger needed for something to click on his brain and make him wake up. Oliver blinks twice and smiles again, but this time it’s not that genuine. He needs to stop dreaming and replay his acts from the original timeline. He needs to make this work. 

“Yeah… You just reminds me of someone,” he says as an apology and opens the laptop, bringing her attention back to it, knowing her interest in the tech will outshine any curiosity his odd behavior might have caused. 

 

Oliver feels his entire body shaking after he leaves her office, he only manages to walk a few steps into an empty corridor before he can lean on the wall and just let the weight of this meeting come to him. He needs to breathe a few times before he can recompose himself enough to continue his way out of the building.  _ He just talked to Felicity. _ In some ways it was everything he dreamed to be, even if he stumbled a little in the beginning, the essence of his first meeting with her was still the same. For some reason though, Oliver can’t shake the feeling that something about it was wrong. 

Felicity was wrong. 

Of course, he knows she’s not wrong. She’s never wrong. He only met her for real once and this is 2012 Felicity, she is behaving like she is supposed to and he still loves her in any time, but this is a reminder of how she’s not the Felicity he was used to, not yet. Oliver wonders if he can wait three more years until everything is right again. In the long haul, three years don’t make that much difference, they are all still the same people after all, right? At least that’s what he thinks. What he needs to think so he doesn’t get crazy. 

He already has enough to worry about, with all the time travel things and his job as the Arrow. His head is aching from the weight of all the impending decisions he needs to make, Oliver sighs before quickly texting Diggle the address of the party where Floyd Lawton is going to be. He looks at his clock, noticing he should probably head home and get ready if he plans on warning Lance and the police before attending the event and helping Diggle. Oliver’s not sure if he’ll even try to protect Deadshot and try to keep the timeline intact; after all, he can deal with whatever consequences later. 

What he really wants to do is drive back to Queen Consolidated fast enough to catch Felicity before she leaves and talk to her for the rest of the night. He doesn’t even know what he would talk to her about, considering that, to her, they’ve just met. But he just misses her so damn much sometimes he feels like a hole is going to open in the place of his chest. Oliver thought that actually talking to Felicity, being next to her, would make him feel better, but if anything it just highlighted how much he needs her in his life, how empty he feels when she’s not around. 

He’s trying to fill his days with activities. He’s taking his second chance to spend time with his mother and Tommy, and some days he’s able to talk to them without thinking about their deaths. He can look into their eyes and enjoy their time together, Oliver knows that just getting the opportunity to see his loved ones again is something of a miracle. But he doesn’t need to wait until Tommy and Moira are comfortable with him, he can just enjoy their company, but Felicity… It’s going to take  _ months _ until she even considers him a friend. And he’s glad to have her in his life in any capacity at all, but Oliver misses his girlfriend, his partner. 

Because he also misses his team, he puts on his Arrow suit in enough time to warn Lance and go find Diggle. 

As it turns out, catching Deadshot is not as difficult once he’s got his mind focused on it, Digg’s help, and the advantage of knowing beforehand where the shooter would be. It’s pretty obvious from the look he sends Oliver that John doesn’t want him there.He thinks he can do it by himself and Oliver will just mess everything up, but as soon as Floyd Lawton is down, Digg nods in acknowledgement of Oliver’s help.

“The police is coming up, we should go now,” Diggle says, the first verbal indication that they are working together.

“Yeah,” Oliver agrees, waiting until they were both out of the building to say what he needed to. “You should probably call Lyla too, I’m sure ARGUS is interested in knowing about Lawton’s whereabouts.”

He feels Diggle freezing next to him and wonders if he’s done the right thing. His original plan was to wait until Digg trusted him a little more before he even thought of bringing up ARGUS, but he can’t just let Deadshot get loose - and this would surely happen if he stayed to SCPD’s custody. John is staring at Oliver, making sure with one look that he’s not going to let this subject just drop. 

“You said I was keeping too many secrets, and you are right. But, if you let me, I’m gonna explain everything now”, he says, looking at his future friend with an expecting look. Digg sighs, but nods. 

Explaining a distrusting John Diggle about time travel is definitely going to be fun. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you guys thought of the chapter, I'm not feeling great about it, but I'm just happy I got it done before the end of the year, yay! Feedback makes me more inclined to write, and also makes me happy, so if you can please leave a comment below!  
> Happy new year for y'all! If it all goes right, the next chapter shouldn't take as long as this one.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is the first time I try to write anything multichapter in years, but I'm trying to go back to writing and I'm excited to share this with you.  
> Please, if you can, take a few seconds of your time and tell me what you think of it, comments make my day!  
> You can also find me [here](http://bisexualfelicity.tumblr.com) on tumblr.  
> xx  
> Flávia


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